Never Date a Republican
By: Wael Nawara
N.B. This is a joke and will be soon followed by"Never Date a Democrat" :)
Republicans are cruel and insensitive ...
They are too matrialistic, pessimistic and they will tell you that they are just being realistic ...
They have no compassion ...
In fact, I am not sure they even have hearts ... and if they do ... they do not know what to do with them ...
Republicans are too self-righteous ...Usually fanatic church-goers ...
Why go to church so often if they are so heartless?
I guess because they commit too many sins from which they try to absolve themselves via routine confessions to cut on the interest.
How to recognize a Republican when you see one?
- They like George Bush & will vote for McCain (that's obvious, right?)
- They support the war in Iraq
- They are against government spending on education, healthcare or social welfare
- They are against Gun Control
- They think that the "Ozone Layer Crack" is a name of a "Drug", a Pop Music Band or a fancy bar
- They think that Global Warming is a Myth or worse, some of them think that Global Warming is actually good because it can cut heating bills
- They leave no tips at restaurants
- They will ask you to split the Bill then they will declare that they forgot their wallet or purse
- They never buy you flowers or gifts, unless there is a Tax benefit involved
- They will break up with you first before you break up with them
- They will secure themselves another date before they dump your (a..)
- They may look good from a distance but once you get close to them you discover how scary they are specially when they start to speak
- They have sharp teeth. Protect your neck at all times
- Republicans are never vegeterian because they believe that they sit on the top of the food chain and must exploit that
- They are Darwinists in every sense
- When others have misfortunes they attribute that to their incompetence and weakness
- When they have misfortunes they attribute it to others being evil communists plotting against them
- When others are successful they attribute that to Luck
- When they are successful it is because they work hard
- They fake it a lot. Yes, I mean "it"
- They are seldom genuine
- They are never passionate except when there is money involved
- Once the Honeymoon period is over, they will start to use the word "Loser" a lot ... usually describing YOU
Your best Bet with a Republican is
when they consider you an "investment".
One Tip you must Remember about Dating Republicans:
"Never Date a Republican"